Dirty Texts

Cute ,Good, Morning ,Goodnight ,Flirty, Love ,Romantic ,Sexy, Sweet ,Thank You, Text Messages




Dirty Texts Text Messages

 

Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

OOOOOh baby u must have wished upon a star because today is your lucky day!

I have a van out the back and there is free candy in it.

His brain waves fall a little short of the beach.

You're so ugly when you went to the haunted house they offered you a job.

Why don't you surprise your roommate and not come home tonight?

Hey, don't you need a license to be that ugly?

The next time you shave, could you stand an inch or two closer to the razor please?

Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.

Let me spell my love for you S-T-A-L-K-E-R.

I understand you, but thousands wouldn't!

I would have liked to insult you, but with your intelligence you wouldn't get offended.

I want to live in your socks so I can be with you every step of the way.

If I'd follow you home, would you keep me?

I promise you for two cents I'd give you a piece of my mind - and all of yours.

Do you wipe front to back or back to front?

His personality's split so many ways he goes alone for group therapy.

I will defend to your death my right to my opinion.

I worship the ground that awaits you.

I've seen people like you before - but I had to pay admission!

I don't know who you are, but whatever it is, I'm sure everyone will agree with me.

Are you a beaver? Cause damn!

Hey, act your age -- senile!

Hi! I'm a human being! What are you?

As welcome as a rattlesnake at a square dance.

If your brain were chocolate, it wouldn't fill an M&M.

You are as useless as rubber lips on a woodpecker.

Hey, is it just me, or are we destined to be married?

I'm throwing a house party....and the only person invited is you.

Is that your nose, or are you eating a banana?

I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside.

His suitcase doesn't have a handle.

I always wanted to be a troubleshooter but now I see you are not worth it!

Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.

No one will ever know that you've had a lobotomy, if you wear a wig to hide to the scars and learn to control the slobbering.

Why the hell are you depriving a village somewhere of an idiot?

His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.

If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.

That outfit would look great crumpled in a heap on unsolved mysteries.

I don't think you are a fool. But then what's MY opinion against thousands of others?

I heard that your brother was an only child.

His origins are so low; you'd have to limbo under his family tree.

If I want your stupid opinion, I'll beat it out of you.

I think I feel like Richard Gere - I'm standing next to you, the Pretty Woman.

Wouldn’t know the meaning of the word fear, but then again you wouldn’t know the meaning of most words.

Some people don't hesitate to speak their minds because they have nothing to lose.

Heard your family went to a restaurant where they serve crabs just so they could bring you along.

I don't want you to turn the other cheek - it's just as ugly.

I hear you are being accepted into an exclusive club cause they need someone to snub.

I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

In the land of the witless, the half-wit is king.

Make somebody happy. Mind your own business.

You smell the coffee, but can't find the pot / a cup.

Are your parents siblings?

I've only got one nerve left, and you're getting on it.

Just say yes now and I won’t have to spike your drink.

Please breathe the other way. You're bleaching my hair.

Are you religious? Because you're the answer to all my prayers.

A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it.

Sit down and give your mind a rest.

I only thought about you once today - I just never stopped.

Noticeably you have more faces than Mount Rushmore.

You're so ugly; you almost look like your mother did, before the operation.

If you were a body of water, you'd be a kiddie pool.

I want nothing out of you but breathing and very little of that!

Well you are living proof that man can live without a brain!

I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo.

People say that you are outspoken but not by anyone that I know of.

You're so ugly; you had tinted windows on your incubator.

Was you Father an Alien? Cos honey on planet earth there's nothing else like you!

I like your approach, now let's see your departure.

A sharp tongue is no indication of a keen mind.

Have you been to the doctor lately? Because I think you're lacking some Vitamin Me.

There's this movie I wanted to see and my mom said I couldn't go by myself.

Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave good-bye.

You know I used to think that tops like that made everyone look chunky but it almost works on you.

Moonlight becomes you - total darkness even more!

I hear you changed your mind! What did you do with the diaper?

I bet you've seen a lot of accidents, because guys must fall for you all the time!

You look much more attractive in person than you do through my telescope.

Fat? You're not fat, you're just ... fat.

I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.

Nice to meet you- tall, dark and obnoxious!

Ignorance can be cured. Stupid is forever.

He's so dense that light bends around him.

He's so short he can sit on a piece of toilet paper and dangle his feet.

I'd like to leave you with one thought ... but I'm not sure you have a place to put it!

Alone: In bad company.

I bet your mother has a loud bark!

You're the best at all you do - and all you do is make people hate you.

Grasp your ears firmly and remove your head from your ass.

You do the work of three men: Moe, Larry, and Curly.

Why do you have to have a mind like a steel trap -- always closed!

I can tell you are lying. Your lips are moving.

Whoever told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice.

If I touch you do you promise not to call the cops?

I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

You look to classy for pickup lines, that’s why I have roofies.

It is such a shame to ruin such beautiful blonde hair by dying your roots black.

She could eat a watermelon through a picket fence!

Don't mind him. He has a soft heart and a head to match.

Man alive! But I wish you weren't.

You have such a mechanical mind. Too bad you forgot to wind it up this morning.

Know what would look good on you? CRUTCHES

I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter?

Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!

Now you my friend are the kind of man whose blueprint we would use to make an idiot.

Listen you’re nice and everything but your friend is hot. What’s her number?

I like you. People say I've no taste, but I like you.

A guy with your IQ should have a low voice too!

I can tie a coffee bean to my butt and swim across the Columbia River and make a darker stain than that (about weak coffee.)

I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good.

I'm sick. My medicine is to talk to you.

I've hated your looks from the very start they gave me.

I know you're a self-made man. It's nice of you to take the blame!

You have the cutest smile when you sleep.

People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect but you are doing all right.

Lets all give him a round of applause: reigning supreme at number two.

I would assume you are just visiting this planet.

If you had another brain like the one you've got, you'd still be a half-wit.

Yours is a prima facie case of ugliness. Your body is damned ugly, too.

She's so ugly, when she was a little girl; they had to put a pot roast in their lap so the dog would play with her. What a shame the mutt got carried away! Still, the chewed-up look is in this season.

He's so fat; he has the only car in town with stretch marks.

I know you're not as stupid as you look. Nobody could be!

I'm going to memorize your name and throw my head away.

Too bad you are always lost in thought -- it's unfamiliar territory.

All that you are you owe to your parents. Why don't you send them a penny and square the account?

You’ve reached rock bottom and you’re starting to show signs of starting to dig.

I hear you are very kind to animals so please give that face back to the gorilla.

It has been established that you are not stupid; just possessed by a retarded ghost.

I've come across decomposed bodies that are less offensive than you are.

Shall I wait for you in my car or will the closet suffice?

I'd suck a fart out of your ass.

And your cry-baby whiny-assed opinion would be...?

If I said anything to you that I should be sorry for, I'm glad.

Somebody else is doing the driving for that boy!

Someone said you are not fit to sleep with pigs. I stuck up for you and said, 'oh yes she is.'

I hear you are connected to the Police Department -- by a pair of handcuffs.

He'd steal the straw from his mother's kennel.

He's the reason brothers and sisters shouldn't marry.

I'd like to have the spitting concession his grave.

I'll never forget the first time we met - although I'll keep trying.

Never enter a battle of wits unarmed.

I heard you went to have your head examined but the doctors found nothing there.

Hey, I remember you when you had only one stomach.

I'd hate to see you go, but I'd love to watch you leave!

This is your grand moment go ahead, tell them everything you know. It'll only take 10 seconds.

I can't seem to remember you name, and please don't help me!

You can put lipstick on a pig...it’s still a pig.

I wonder how many angels could dance on his head.

Do you have room in your handbag for the keys to my Porsche?

Instead of being born again, why don't you just grow up?

Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material.

Do you like heavy metal? Because I can teach you how to scream.

You’ve got that far away look. The farther you gets, the better you looks.

You should realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another.

Do you believe in helping the homeless? [If yes] Take me home with you.

I'm the kind of man who deserves to have women I don't deserve.

I put the STD in STUD, all I need is U...

I feel very sorry for you because you are so ugly, but I feel ever sorrier for myself because I have to look at you.

She's so ugly; she'd make a freight train take a dirt road!

I’m pretty sure the mental hospital tested too many drugs on you today.

Ever since I saw you in your family tree I've wanted to cut it down.

Help, something is wrong with my eyes - I just can't take them off you.

You're so good looking' I'd drink your bath water.

I'd slap you senseless ... but I can't spare three seconds!

If truth is stranger than fiction, you must be truth!

I don't mind that you are talking so long as you don't mind that I'm not listening.

Sadly you only have one brain cell, and it is fighting for dominance.

I don't have a library card, but do you mind if I check you out?

If I wanted to hear from an ass, I'd fart.

Can I read your t-shirt in Braille?

GET IN THE VAN!

Some folks are so dumb; they have to be watered twice a week.

In fact, he has the perfect weapon against muggers - his face!

If you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid.

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

Are you brain-dead?

Before you came along we were hungry. Now we are fed up.

My buddies bet me that I wouldn't be able to start a conversation with the most beautiful girl in the bar. Want to buy some drinks with their money?

Excuse me, I just noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to give you notice that I noticed you too.

If what you don't know can't hurt you, she's practically invulnerable.

He's the only man who, if told to screw himself, could do it.

I used to think that you were a big pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you.

I know you are nobody's fool but maybe someone will adopt you.

Clearly you wouldn’t know whether to scratch your watch or wind your butt.

I hear you are an officer. Your rank is - just plain rank!

Behold you are so conceited your eyes behold each other perfectly.

If your feeling down, remember, I'll feel you back up.

Did you swallow a light bulb or something because you are shiny!

I'm a necrophiliac, so why don't you drop dead and I'll think about it!

I'm blonde, what's your excuse?

Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent!

Hey, I heard you went to the butcher and asked for 10 cents worth of dog meat and he asked you if you wanted it wrapped or if you would eat it on the spot.

You're like a dictionary - you add meaning to my life!

You have to choose whether you want me to accept you as you are or you want me to like you?

You can open your mail with that nose!

Hi, I've been undressing you with my eyes all night long, and think it's time to see if I'm right.

I believe in respect for the dead; in fact I could only respect you if you WERE dead.

Pretty sure you want to die stupid?

I would like the pleasure of your company but it only gives me displeasure.

At least you are not obnoxious like so many other people - you are obnoxious in a different and worse way!

I reprimanded my son for mimicking you. I told him not to act like a fool.

I like my coffee like I like my women...sealed in an air tight bag in the freezer.

Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, but he just gargled.

Let's play horse. I'll be the front end and you be yourself.

Perhaps your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

So stupid, he moves his lips when watching TV.

You’re so fat you put mayonnaise on your aspirins.

After meeting you, I've decided I am in favor of abortion.

Do you have to leave so soon? I was about to poison the tea.

I've had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing.

You are without doubt the worst-dressed sentient being in the known universe.

Hey baby, you must be a light switch, coz every time I see you, you turn me on!

So ugly, robbers give him their masks to wear.

If I had a face like yours, I'd sue my parents.

I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you!

I hear you were born on April 2; a day too late!

Make a mental note . . . oh, I see you're out of paper!

Can I borrow your face for a few days? My ass is going on holiday.

People can't say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority!

I killed your crush so we can be together forever.

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

I can bet your parents couldn’t help asking you to run away from home.

How many years did it take you to learn how to breathe?

If brains were rain, you`d be a desert.

You have depth, but only on the surface. Down deep inside, you are shallow.

If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you get change back.

Careful now, don't let your brains go to your head!

Did your parents have any children that lived?

If you act like an ass, don't get insulted if people ride you.

Look, don't go to a mind reader; go to a palmist; I know you've got a palm.

Every girl has the right to be ugly, but I'm afraid you've abused the privilege.

What are tragedy, you are so short your hair smells like feet.

Why bother thinking, it may sprain your brain!

I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit?

Wonder galore, he can think without moving his lips!

I certainly hope you are sterile.

All of your ancestors must number in the millions; it's hard to believe that many people are to blame for producing you.

If you ever tax your brain, don't charge more than a penny.

If manure were music, you'd be a brass band.

Some people are has-beens. You are a never-was.

You have a face only a mother could love - and even she hates it!

Pardon me, but you've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.

Two words - CAT scan.

He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.

You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear.

Someday you'll go far, if you catch the right train.

Sure everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner.

Keep talking. I always yawn when I'm interested.

You have the IQ of lint.

Clearly any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!

You come from a long line of real estate people -- they're a vacant lot.

I'm working on an adult site. Want to be in the first video?

Hi, I'm a fashion photographer. Would you like to be in my next photo shoot?

Are you a parking ticket? 'Cause you've got fine written all over you.

I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!

People clap when they see you... but they clap their hands over their eyes.

If you don't like my opinion of you - improve yourself!

I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.

I wouldn't piss in his ear if his brain was on fire!

Do tell, converse with any plankton lately?

Some day you will find yourself - and wish you hadn't.

I’m sure you have a terribly empty feeling ---- in your skull.

You're eyes are bluer than the Atlantic Ocean and baby; I'm all lost at sea.

You have a really bad case of diarrhea of the mouth; constipation of the ideas.

Forgot to pay your brain bill?

It’s impressive that you are flexible enough to have your foot in your mouth and your head up your ass all at the same time.

Your absence is pitiable, especially because when it rains you are always the last one to know.

Leave, go fart peas at the moon!

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put "U" and "I" next to each other.

Don't you love nature, despite what it did to you?

Do you think I could borrow that dress sometime?

You are so old that your blood type was discontinued.

Here's 20 cents. Call all your friends and bring back some change!

I feel sorry for you because you are so homely but I feel even sorrier for other people because they have to look at you.

I'd rather pass a kidney stone than another night with you.

If you ever want to see your children again, you'll do what I want.

Nice to see you on your feet. Who sent the derrick?

Girl, you’ve got to be tired coz you been running through my mind all day.

The last time I saw a body like yours, I was burying it in my basement.

I want to eat your shit on bread!

Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time.

I'm glad to see you're not letting your education get in the way of your ignorance.

I don't consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat.

He's the first in his family born without a tail.

I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV.

See, that's what's meant by dark and handsome. When it's dark, he's handsome.

If I want any shit out of you I'll squeeze your head.

If I could be anything, I'd love to be your bathwater.

If I were as ugly as you are, I wouldn't say hello to people, I'd say boo!

How can you love nature, when it did that to you?

If you were a transformer, you'd be a HOT-obot, and your name would be Optimus Fine.

It should be clear that any friend of yours ... is a friend of yours.

If she was cast as Lady Godiva the horse would steal the show.

I would ask you how old you are but I know you can't count that high.

You are so beautiful that I want to be reincarnated as your child so that I can breastfeed by you until I'm 20.

I'd like to give you a going-away present ... but you have to do your part.

How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?

Slit your wrists - it will lower your blood pressure.

Of all the people I've met you're certainly one of them.

I can't talk to you right now; tell me, where will you be in ten years?



Dirty Texts Text Messages plus




How many times do I have to flush before you go away?

Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?

So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.

Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live.

I'm not as dumb as you look.

It is mind over matter. I don't mind, because you don't matter.

If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide!

If I ever need a brain transplant, I'd choose yours because I'd want a brain that had never been used.

If I promise to miss you, will you go away?

I hear what you're saying but I just don't care.

Now would be an excellent time to become a missing person.

Brains aren't everything. In fact, in your case they're nothing!

I just realized that calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people.

Now do tell, as an outsider, what do you think of the human race?

I’m wondering whether you’re always so stupid or today is a special occasion?

Whooey! When you fell out of the ugly tree, boy did you hit every branch on the way down.

Is it time for your medication or mine?

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

Have you considered suing your brains for non support?

Oh please don’t thank me for insulting you. It was my pleasure.

Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent!

When I’m around you I’m constantly wondering what life would be like if you'd had enough oxygen at birth?

Why exactly did you eat paint chips when you were a kid?

I find myself wondering, is your job devoted to spreading ignorance?

Please don't let your mind wander - it's too little to be let out alone.

If idiots could fly, this would be an airport.



pub 48 Diagnosing and Treating

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Categories



Messages

1 - Cute Good Morning Texts

2 - Cute Goodnight Texts

3 - Cute Text Messages

4 - Flirty Text Messages

5 - Flirty Texts

6 - Love Text Messages

7 - Romantic Text Messages

8 - Sexy Text Messages

9 - Sweet Text Messages

10 - Thank You Messages Notes

11 - Dirty Texts

12 - Date Ideas

13 - Life Hacks

Facts Text

1 - Amazing Facts

2 - Fun Facts

3 - Funny Facts

4 - Interesting Facts

5 - Random Facts

6 - Sex Facts

7 - Weird Facts

Jokes Text

1 - Animal Jokes and Riddles

2 - Funny Bar Jokes

Tous les proverbes français classés par thématique et par origine

1 - Proverbe : Les meilleurs proverbes - CITATION CELEBRE

2 - Proverbes français les plus connus - Citations